Under the bright moonlight, I remembered the name Kinh Thời Mặc, a name I would never forget.
When we first met, he used money he’d stolen from some thugs to treat me to barbecue.
It was a small alley, pitch black, and I had to pass through it every time I went tutoring.
Even though it was only nine in the evening, this unlit alley still felt a bit eerie.
When the two thugs appeared, I very cooperatively handed over all the money in my pocket. I was a poor student, with only eighty *đồng* on me. My phone, bought from a flea market for two hundred *đồng*, had already been used for over half a year, so there was nothing to lose.
One of the thugs rummaged through my pocket, cursing under his breath:
“Damn it, what rotten luck!”
Too little money. He sized me up from head to toe, and it looked like he was even considering sexual assault.
Just then, Kinh Thời Mặc appeared behind me, kicking the two thugs two or three times. At that moment, I thought he was a righteous hero, ready to draw his sword against injustice. But then, Kinh Thời Mặc easily snatched the money from the thug’s hand.
A truly righteous criminal, indeed.
He found over five hundred *đồng* on the two thugs, even more money than I had. No wonder they called me unlucky.
The thug still tried to argue, asking Kinh Thời Mặc to leave some money, claiming it was what they’d earned working all night.
I really wanted to laugh. What “working all night”? Most likely, they’d just stolen it from someone else.
But I didn’t dare to laugh, because after Kinh Thời Mặc had secured the money, the first thing he said to me was:
“Want to grab a bite at the barbecue place up ahead?”
A barbecue place it was, then. At least there would be plenty of people there, which would be good for escaping, unlike this pitch-black alley where no one would know if I got stabbed.
I nodded, not daring to breathe too loudly, and followed Kinh Thời Mặc out of the alley to the barbecue place. It was right by the street, very convenient if I needed to make a run for it.
My eighty *đồng* was still in Kinh Thời Mặc’s hand. I was embarrassed and wanted to take it back, but my stomach was rumbling fiercely. I decided to just eat and let whatever happen. With so many people around, he wouldn’t really dare to extort me.
After Kinh Thời Mặc ordered the food, he sat opposite me. Only then did I realize he was still very young, just barely over twenty. So young, and instead of doing good, he’d learned to steal from others.
“My name is Kinh Thời Mặc.”
Kinh Thời Mặc introduced himself. I wasn’t sure if I should reveal my own name.
Just as I was mulling it over, Kinh Thời Mặc suddenly leaned closer to me. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Doesn’t it sound a lot like the name of a male lead in an 8 PM idol drama?”
Kinh Thời Mặc looked at me without blinking, his eyes bright as stars, like a loyal big dog waiting for its owner’s praise.
I had to admit, a beauty-obsessed person like me was momentarily swayed.
“My name is Trình Cẩm.”
Trình Cẩm means ‘a future like brocade,’ but in reality, I was an utterly penniless ghost.
Kinh Thời Mặc’s name was very much like him as a person, making him hard to read.
Kinh Thời Mặc didn’t do anything to me. While the meat was grilling, he didn’t smoke a single cigarette or drink a drop of alcohol, and he even ate very little meat.
Most of the meat went into my stomach, and I even drank all the complimentary plum juice.
Kinh Thời Mặc smiled like a silly dog. After we finished eating, he walked me to the brightly lit main road, then took out his phone and added me as a friend.
I watched Kinh Thời Mặc walk away, then reached into my pocket and accidentally touched some money. It was a total of four hundred and fifty-three *đồng*, which Kinh Thời Mặc had put there.
In a blink, through my twenty-year-old eyes, Kinh Shi Mo transformed into a Robin Hood figure.
2.
After that, Kinh Shi Mo often showed up. The small city was barely bigger than my hand, so after we got to know each other, I frequently ran into him.
Compared to the unserious demeanor he had when I first met him, after getting to know him, I realized he wasn't so bad after all.
Kinh Shi Mo had a habit of morning runs, and ever since he knew where I lived, he would run past my building every day.
When I saw him through the window, I realized he had been doing this for over a month.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kinh Shi Mo smiled, his voice betraying a rare nervousness:
“It’s… I was afraid of bothering you.”
I looked into his eyes and saw the earnestness and straightforwardness of a young man.
I didn’t say anything more, but after that, every morning, I made it a habit to open the window and watch him. This habit lasted a very long time; even after Kinh Shi Mo disappeared years later, I still looked out that window for many years.
The first time Kinh Shi Mo came to my place, he was visibly nervous. He changed his shoes at the door, and even carefully adjusted the high heels I had just taken off, placing them at the most visible angle for when I went out.
After the rain, puddles still remained, and without a word, he picked me up and carried me.
Even when we strolled in the park, he would wipe clean any spot I wanted to sit on.
I was clearly a girl who grew up in a poor neighborhood; my shoes cost thirty dong, and I was looked down upon in my parents’ eyes. But in Kinh Shi Mo’s eyes, I was like a precious princess.
At that moment, I suddenly wanted to put an end to our ambiguous relationship. I said:
“Kinh Shi Mo, you like me, don’t you?”
To my direct question, Kinh Shi Mo nodded solemnly.
“Then, do you want to be my boyfriend?”
I don’t know why, but when I said that, I saw a bewildered expression suddenly flash across Kinh Shi Mo’s face.
He looked at me, as if making an incredibly important decision, and finally said, “Yes.”
After that day, Kinh Shi Mo became my boyfriend. The time we spent together naturally grew longer, but after a while, I discovered that Kinh Shi Mo seemed to be hiding something from me.
He didn’t tell me where he worked, nor did he introduce me to his friends.
But he still took care of me as meticulously as before. He gave me his card, and I secretly went to an ATM to check the account balance; there were three hundred thousand inside.
He gave me everything best, and even when he kissed me, he restrained his emotions.
But he didn’t tell me anything about himself. I didn’t even know what he liked; every time we went on a date, he would choose places I preferred and eat dishes I loved.
I both reveled in his love and feared that this relationship would one day end quietly.
One night, as we lay in bed together, I heard Kinh Shi Mo sigh softly.
What was he worried about?
We said we were sharing a bed, and Kinh Shi Mo clearly lay beside me, but he never once wanted to touch me.
Many times, he would only kiss me as lightly as a falling feather. No matter how I teased him, even if he had to take a cold shower, he would never take another step with me.
“Cam, wait until we get married.”
Kinh Shi Mo hugged me, and he said:
“Cam, wait until we get married. That way, I won’t let you down.”
Every morning, he would prepare breakfast for me. While I showered, he would wash my dirty clothes. Even when I was sick and didn’t want to take medicine, he would taste it first and then tell me it wasn’t bitter.
But Kinh Shi Mo loved me, and he had his secrets.
“Maybe he’s an escaped criminal or something. Didn’t you say that the first time you met him, he beat up a thug?” My friend A Lan even analyzed it seriously for me.
“Or you could find an opportunity to secretly look at his ID card, and then search online to be sure!”
Fear gripped me. If what A Lan said was true, if Kinh Thời Mặc was really as she described, would I have the courage to report him?
That evening after meeting A Lan, Kinh Thời Mặc was showering in the room, and his wallet was on the living room table…
3.
I opened his wallet. Inside were a few banknotes and his ID card tucked in.
Slowly, I took out his ID card. As soon as I pulled it out halfway, his full name appeared. Although only the top part was visible, I clearly saw that it wasn’t Kinh Thời Mặc.
His real name only had two characters.
I didn’t have the courage to look.
I was afraid that if I looked, I wouldn’t be able to resist searching for information about him. And if A Lan was right, would I truly be ready to abandon Kinh Thời Mặc?
As a girl who grew up in a poor neighborhood, my childhood was filled with my parents’ arguments and broken glass shards. No one loved me as much as Kinh Thời Mặc.
If possible, please let me continue to deceive myself. I was willing to know nothing at all, not even Kinh Thời Mặc’s real name.
I pushed the ID card back into the wallet and put the wallet back in its original spot, but he still noticed something. After Kinh Thời Mặc came out of the bathroom, he glanced at the wallet on the table, and my hands immediately went cold. If he knew I had discovered his secret, would he leave me?
That night, I don’t remember what I dreamt. When I woke up, my face was drenched in tears, and I hugged Kinh Thời Mặc, saying:
“Don’t go.”
He gave me a warm hug, but he didn’t say he wouldn’t leave.
That night, Kinh Thời Mặc was different.
He was passionate yet rough. He kissed all over my body before stopping, but still didn’t take the final step. This time he said:
“Cẩm, I’m sorry. I’m afraid this time I’ll let you down.”
The next morning when I woke up, Kinh Thời Mặc was no longer beside me. On the nightstand was a note:
“Cẩm, if possible, this Saturday afternoon at the tea shop we frequent, I want to see you one last time.”
I didn’t know when Kinh Thời Mặc had left. I wanted to send him a message, but when I picked up my phone, I found that all our conversations and call history had been deleted.
He had deleted me as a contact while I was asleep, and even when I called, his phone was off.
I called A Lan. A Lan told me not to be sad, saying Kinh Thời Mặc was probably not a good person; otherwise, he wouldn’t have left so suddenly.
A Lan made a lot of sense, but I couldn’t help but feel sad.
The feeling of sorrow didn’t appear at first, but it suddenly overwhelmed me when I saw the dinnerware Kinh Thời Mặc liked to use.
Kinh Thời Mặc appeared and disappeared just as suddenly. Apart from the note and the bank card he had given me earlier, he left nothing else behind.
On Saturday, I arrived at the tea shop early in the morning as we had arranged, intending to scold him when he arrived, to call him a deceitful bastard. The tea shop was deserted and quiet. I sat there from nine in the morning until nine at night when the shop closed. Kinh Thời Mặc never appeared.
This was the first time he hadn’t kept his promise. I had a premonition that he wouldn’t come back.
Kinh Thời Mặc took his secrets with him and disappeared completely.