When the imperial decree arrived at the Grand Commandant's manor, I was lying under the willow tree in the courtyard, enjoying the cool breeze.
His Majesty had bestowed a marriage between the daughter of the Grand Commandant's manor and Qi Jinxiu, the Heir to Prince Xuanning. The wedding would be held next month.
The Grand Commandant's manor had two young ladies, and I was one of them.
My legitimate younger sister, Su He, was the legitimate daughter of the Grand Commandant's manor and a renowned talented woman in the capital.
Although I was the eldest daughter, I was the daughter of a concubine, and had even wandered outside for ten whole years.
This was a disgrace to the Grand Commandant's manor.
My mother had once been a woman from a courtesan house. People wouldn't let her continue performing, scolding her for being not only shameless but also for shaming the Grand Commandant's reputation.
But only I knew that my mother sold her art, not her body. She had never once thought of trying to climb the social ladder by attaching herself to the Grand Commandant.
All of this was spread by that father of mine, solely to preserve his own reputation after abandoning her.
Before she died, my mother spent all her savings, asking someone to bring me back to the Grand Commandant's manor, just to find a place for me to shelter.
The Grand Commandant's wife said that Su He could only become the Crown Princess, and couldn't possibly marry a mere Princely Heir.
Thus, this marriage arrangement would naturally fall upon my head.
I was planning to climb the wall and escape that very night, but Su He came to find me, her eyes red-rimmed.
She said, "Elder sister, please take me and run away together. I don't want to get married, and I certainly don't want to be a Princely Heir's wife."
She was still exquisitely beautiful, even as she wept.
Su He was the only person in the capital who treated me well, and I seemed to have no reason to refuse her.
If I left, this marriage would fall upon her again. So, I let her step on my shoulder to climb over the wall.
As soon as she left, and while I was still scrambling on the wall, someone interrupted. A group of people aggressively stormed into my courtyard.
Before I could say anything, my legitimate mother raised her hand and slapped me.
I knelt on the ground, both my cheeks stinging with pain, and my left ear temporarily deaf.
She lifted her chin, her charming yet arrogant face looking down at me with contempt.
She said nothing, merely flicked her sleeve and left, the people who followed her surrounding the courtyard.
Someone even swept clean all the possessions I had accumulated over the years, not leaving behind even a single hairpin.
Sigh, I'm poor again.
The next day, I was forcibly dragged onto the wedding palanquin.
The Grand Commandant stood before the city gate, looking at me with deep, profound eyes that revealed an inexplicable emotion.
Before I left, he pressed the handkerchief my mother had given me as a token of recognition into my hand, then sighed and turned to leave.
This must be his way of completely severing ties with me.
My mother always thought that if I entered the Grand Commandant's manor, I would have a place to shelter. I myself had always done my duty, done what I should… but still, I couldn't exchange it for a stable place to belong.
Fortunately, the Heir to Prince Xuanning was skilled in both literary and martial arts, admired and loved by many noble ladies in the capital.
For someone like me, to be able to marry into Prince Xuanning's manor, to marry Qi Jinxiu, was considered climbing high indeed. No loss, no loss at all.
In the bridal chamber, Qi Jinxiu happily lifted the bridal veil. But when he saw me, his smile gradually stiffened.
"You are not A-He."
He just stood there, speaking indifferently, his gaze gradually turning cold.
I felt as if I’d walked into a fog, but then I suddenly realized… It turned out the person the Heir Apparent liked was A He, and the one he proposed to was also A He.
He didn’t even know that the Grand Commandant’s manor also had a secondary daughter like me.
I lowered my head, not daring to show my emotions.
“Forget it.”
Qi Jinxiu sighed. He didn’t blame me, nor did he care who I was.
“I shouldn’t have forced A He. From now on, you can just live well here; you will be well provided for.”
The heavy hairpin made my neck ache. I hadn’t even had time to stand up and perform the proper courtesies when the Heir Apparent turned and left.
2.
The second time I met Qi Jinxiu was also the day I met Princess Consort Xuanning (*).
(*) Qi Jinxiu’s mother
From the main seat, the Princess Consort looked at me for a long time, then said coldly:
“You are not the legitimate daughter of the Su family.”
Su He, the legitimate daughter of the Su family, was full of vitality and radiance. Naturally, she would be different from someone meek and submissive like me. It was only natural that the Princess Consort could easily tell.
I didn’t dare to look at her, nor did I dare to ask Qi Jinxiu for help. I didn’t even dare to open my mouth, just quietly waited for my judgment.
Although Qi Jinxiu was only the Heir Apparent, he was still a descendant of the imperial family. How could it be proper for him to marry a secondary daughter like me as his main wife?
I swallowed. My palms were sweating from nervousness.
The entire dowry from the Su family had already been taken. If I were to be driven out now, even getting food would be a huge problem.
While I was worrying, the Princess Consort spoke again:
“Forget it, this is fine too.”
I was stunned. For a moment, I couldn’t react.
It wasn’t until we left the Princess Consort’s manor that I quietly asked Qi Jinxiu:
“What did the Princess Consort mean by that…?”
He replied coldly: “It’s what you’re thinking.”
He suddenly looked at me and said: “Last night, A He sent a letter asking me to protect you. She also explained everything. I know this isn’t your fault. I will definitely not let you be in a difficult position, and in the future, I will compensate you on A He’s behalf.”
Qi Jinxiu, standing beside me, wore a serious expression. For him, this marriage was truly a rollercoaster of emotions. I could understand why he wasn’t in a good mood.
Even though he was unhappy, he didn’t mistreat me. Whether it was for A He’s sake or out of pity for me, I was still very grateful.
I still kept my head down and said nothing. I secretly sighed in relief. At least that girl still had a conscience.
He paused for a moment, then mumbled to himself: “I’ve liked A He since I was thirteen. Moreover, I knew she wasn’t the kind of woman willing to live forever in the inner chambers, surrounded by red walls. In the end, I was wrong.”
To be frank, his feelings for A He were fervent and passionate. His words “I was wrong” – I didn’t know if he regretted marrying me by mistake, or if it was because he had prevented A He from returning home…
But I didn’t care. As long as I was alive, that was enough. It was just that, deep down, I still felt a little envious of A He.
Although I always wanted someone to treat me sincerely, to swear to be together until our hair turned white, compared to being able to live in peace, this was nothing.
Perhaps fearing I wouldn’t be content with my lot, Qi Jinxiu sent a matron to my courtyard, saying she was sent to look after me.
But everyone knew it was to supervise me.
Qi Jinxiu, busy with who knows what, wasn’t in the manor for a long time.
Even when he did return, he would leave early and come back late, his presence barely felt. He was even too lazy to bother with me.
The matron told me to prepare some wine and delicious food and invite the Prince to my courtyard. Even if the Prince didn’t like me, I couldn’t be like him.
I also didn’t want to get entangled with him.
Xiao Zhao couldn't stand it anymore, so he went to the kitchen himself to make some food, then dragged me to the Princess Consort's residence.
He had returned quite early today and was talking with the Princess Consort inside. Seeing this, I stood waiting for him in front of the residence.
By the time he stepped out, it was just as I looked up. Our eyes met, and his expression wasn't very pleasant.
I forced a smile and asked if he wanted to dine in my courtyard. He looked at me with a hint of annoyance and directly refused.
I felt a bit embarrassed, my earlobes flushing red, not out of shame, but because I was mortified by the awkwardness.
I didn't ask anything further. After bowing, I returned. He seemed not to have expected this, as he stood frozen, staring at me for a long time.
On the way back, I vaguely recalled the scene from last night's dream.
In that dream, I was the vicious concubine-born daughter of the Su family – Su Yu. Infatuated with Qi Jinxiu and jealous of A-He, I was capable of any wicked deed, and was eventually driven out of the Prince's manor.
Wandering outside with nowhere to go, I was kidnapped and sold to a brothel, ultimately dying a miserable death there.
Although it was just a dream, it had awakened me. I didn't want to be entangled in such a tragedy.
A-He wasn't a bad person either; she was just pursuing what she wanted.
I also hoped she would achieve her wishes.