Tiểu Sam.
Could I get a ride with you for a bit?
The voice of the nation's best host is always easy on the ears, and I've been listening to his voice for thirteen years now.
These were the first words he spoke to me tonight.
Though a little surprised, I still nodded. He then walked around to the other side, opened the car door, and sat in the passenger seat.
I pulled out a tissue and handed it to him, watching him wipe away the tiny raindrops on his forehead.
More than 10 years had passed, and this was the only time he and I had been this close. Aside from losing the youthful innocence of his teenage years, he hadn't changed much; he was now more mature, poised, and dashing.
Compared to the serious demeanor I saw on TV, he also had a touch of approachability.
Even the way he called me "Tiểu Sam" made me feel like I was back in high school.
I turned my head, took a deep breath as usual, and tried to suppress my wildly beating heart.
Because of the rain, the road was a bit congested. I drove leisurely, and the two of us chatted on and off.
"This car looks quite clean. Do you maintain it regularly?"
"No, I only bought it half a year ago, and I just got the license plate last year."
"Electric cars are great," he nodded. "Economical and environmentally friendly."
"Yeah, that's right."
After so many years apart, I used to think we'd have so much to talk about. But now that we'd actually met, I realized that ten years and different living environments meant that the common ground for conversation between us had become even scarcer.
"I heard you mention earlier, do you work at a bank?"
"Yeah."
"Which department?"
"I work in risk management."
He chuckled, "Risk management is very important; everyone needs it."
"Like at last year's film festival awards, I was a new host, and suddenly a male celebrity said something wrong on stage, which scared me so much I broke out in a cold sweat. At that moment, he said..."
"I know, but you handled it really well," I interjected unconsciously.
He was startled. "You know? You watched the show?"
My heart pounded. It seemed he had just caught me in the act of paying attention to him and secretly following him for years. I tried to maintain a calm tone, "Oh, yes, the whole country watched it. Didn't your quick thinking go viral..."
Outside the car window, the rain grew heavier.
After a long moment, he said softly, "I thought you weren't interested in these kinds of things."
I truly didn't care much for the entertainment industry.
But I never missed any of the shows he hosted.
Perhaps he didn't know that he was the one I had secretly loved for many years. Even though I knew we had no chance, after so many years apart, meeting him again by chance, I still couldn't control my racing heart.
But actually, this wasn't good.
The regrets of youth should be left in youth, and the renewed flutter upon meeting again surely needed an explanation.
I knew he was still single; the newspapers had reported it, and he had also mentioned it at the party just now.
Perhaps if he gently rejected me, I could finally put an end to this hopeless unrequited love.
After all, a maiden's hidden feelings fear being exposed, but an adult's pride isn't so important.
Therefore, I decided to speak, even though neither the time nor the place was right.
"Actually, I..."
At this moment, his phone suddenly rang.
He answered, and a vibrant female voice came through the receiver, loud enough for me to hear every word clearly.
“Hân Vũ, shall we go play ball tomorrow? Could you bring me a cup of coffee?”
2
The person who had just spoken was our mutual classmate, another central figure of the recent class reunion, Lâm San San.
Adult class reunions, in reality, aside from reconnecting with friendships that had faded due to infrequent contact and reminiscing about bygone youth, were mostly for networking and exchanging resources.
And Lục Hân Vũ and Lâm San San, whether in the past or present, were both people who could easily become the center of attention.
One was a famous TV host, the other a beautiful radio announcer.
Radiant and dazzling, they made everyone else seem dull and unremarkable by comparison.
Memories suddenly flooded back. It was the summer holiday of tenth grade. Back then, I was learning the violin, and at my mother's request, every day at half past four in the afternoon, I would stand on the first-floor balcony of my house to practice.
I don't know when it started, but every day I would see Lục Hân Vũ and Lâm San San.
They would walk past my house together.
Occasionally, when our eyes met, they would greet me, “Hey, Trần Tiểu Sam, are you practicing your violin?”
It was usually Lâm San San who spoke, while Lục Hân Vũ would just look my way and nod, or wave.
That was all.
One day after the opening ceremony, I happened to overhear Lâm San San boastfully telling someone that she had been with Lục Hân Vũ throughout the summer holiday.
“Every day we went to tutoring together. Hân Vũ really loves the plane trees in the alley behind us, so we would leave a little earlier and take a detour around the other street.”
So it turned out they only walked past my house because of the plane trees in front of it.
The whole class speculated whether Lục Hân Vũ and Lâm San San were dating. Someone bold enough went to ask Lục Hân Vũ during break time, and he just looked slightly surprised and said, “Of course not.”
Lâm San San, of course, also vehemently denied it.
Everyone said it was just because they were afraid of the teachers calling their parents.
In the first semester of eleventh grade, Lục Hân Vũ said he couldn't see the blackboard clearly from the back row, so the teacher promptly moved him to a seat in the third row, right in front of mine.
That was the closest I ever was to him.
Sometimes he would turn around and ask me what the teacher's homework assignment was, and other times he would turn and ask if I had brought my history book.
It was then I learned that even someone as gifted and flawless as him could forget to do his homework or bring his books.
One day, after borrowing a book, he suddenly asked me, “What grade level are you for violin exams?”
He said my playing sounded very pleasant.
I don't know if it was to avoid suspicion, but he indeed sought out Lâm San San very rarely. Most of the time, it was Lâm San San who brought her homework to him.
“I don’t know how to do this problem, Hân Vũ, could you explain it to me?”
When Lục Hân Vũ explained lessons, his expression was always very focused.
And very handsome.
Until one day.
During a class meeting, Lâm San San suddenly raised her hand and said that someone in the class had stolen her fountain pen.
She said it was a fountain pen her mother had bought for her from abroad, and she knew who had taken it, hoping that person would voluntarily stand up.
The homeroom teacher, a stern old man, said directly, “If you already know who it is, then just say it.”
So Lin San San stammered out my name.
I was surprised.
In my pencil case was a new fountain pen, a gift from an older girl who had already graduated.
Perhaps coincidentally, that pen was identical to the one Lin San San had lost.
She had gone abroad, so I couldn't contact her for the time being. Lin San San took out her mobile phone, opened a previously taken photo, and declared that my pen was her fountain pen.
I had no way to deny it.
"I gave her that fountain pen."
A cold male voice rang out, and the whole class fell silent.
Lu Xin Yu stood up. "I gave her the fountain pen on October 15th, but you lost yours on October 20th."
The whole class looked at him.
Lin San San's face was filled with disbelief. "You, why would you give Chen Xiao Sam a fountain pen?"
"Because I always bother her," he said, looking towards the teacher. "Teacher Wang, it's not too much for classmates to express gratitude by giving a small gift, is it?"
"Of course not."
No one thought Lu Xin Yu was lying.
His parents were in America, so it was perfectly normal for him to have a fountain pen manufactured abroad.
But in reality, he had lied.
To help me.
I didn't know why he knew I had started using that fountain pen on October 15th, but I couldn't help but feel a little happy inside.
Did he… pay attention to me, even just a little?
Lin San San's pen was found a few days later, but she got angry with Lu Xin Yu. She no longer came to ask him for help with homework during breaks, nor did she actively seek him out anymore.
Back then, the evening self-study session for 11th grade lasted until 9 PM. My father was afraid it wasn't safe for me to ride home alone, so he came to pick me up every day.
On Friday evening, I waited and waited but my father didn't come, so I called to ask. It turned out my grandmother was sick, and he was at the hospital.
"Sorry, daughter, please wait for me at school for a bit."
I didn't want my father to be too tired, so I shook my head and said I could go home by myself.
"It's fine, there are many classmates going the same way."
But when I put down the phone, I realized that in just a short fifteen minutes, there was no one left at the school gate.
Pushing my bike out, I heard someone call my name.
"Xiao Sam."
My whole body froze. I turned my head and saw Lu Xin Yu.
What did he just call me?
Seeing my expression, he also seemed startled for a moment.
Xiao Sam.
Xiao San.
Perhaps he mistook me, thinking I was Lin San San.
He came closer, and I remained silent.
"Could I hitch a ride with you for a bit?" he suddenly said.
"Huh?"
"My bike tire is flat, I can't ride it," he said, pointing to his bike not far away. "Our houses aren't far from each other, can we go together for a bit?"
That night, I watched him adjust the height of my bike seat, then he sat on it and turned his head to smile at me.
"Get on," he said.
The wind was very cold, and my clothes were very thick, but I heard my own heart pounding.
Perhaps that night's encounter broke some mysterious taboo, and Lu Xin Yu and I began to grow closer.
At that sensitive and high-pressure age, if a male and female student merely walked a little close to each other, rumors would spread.
Of course, none of us paid attention to it.
Until those rumors reached the teacher's ears, he invited our parents to school.
Lu Xin Yu's parents were both abroad, so they didn't come.
My mother, however, came.
I don't know what my homeroom teacher and my mother talked about, but on the way home, I walked behind her, looking at the scattered silver strands in her hair, how old she looked.
Mom said to me, "Xiao Sam, do you know the background of that male classmate's family?"
"The teacher said his family is very rich. Perhaps he doesn't even need to take the college entrance exam and will go directly abroad to study at a prestigious school."
"All the hopes of our entire family rest on you. Your father and I work at the restaurant from early morning till late night, we found you a renowned piano teacher—why do you think we did all that?"
"How can you forget your parents' hardships and fall in love at such a crucial time?"
"The college entrance exam is your only way out."
My mother's words were like a bucket of ice water, extinguishing the innocent flame of a young girl.
Everything she said was true.
I had no capital for romance.
My only strength was studying, and my only way out was also studying.
Afterwards, my homeroom teacher moved my seat to a different row, far away from Lu Xinwu.
I no longer actively sought him out, and perhaps he understood something, because he stopped looking for me too.
It was as if he was also drawing a clear line in our relationship.
At the end of eleventh grade, sure enough, just as the teacher had said, Lu Xinwu had to go abroad.
Our classmates held a farewell party for him. Lin Sansan even shed tears, repeatedly telling him not to change his QQ or WeChat, while I sat in a distant corner, holding the autograph book that was passed around.
Everyone wrote their own blessings in the book, but I didn't know what to say to him.
The words I wanted to say remained unsaid.
In the end, I just wrote one sentence in English, but didn't sign my name.
The car horn behind us pulled my thoughts back to the present. Lu Xinwu put down his phone and turned to look at me.
"Sorry, what were you about to say just now?"
I opened my mouth, thinking of what Lin Sansan had just said, but in the end, I still shook my head.
"Nothing."
3
"Sometimes when I feel too stressed, I'll go play tennis on the weekend. Tomorrow, do you... want to come along?" he suddenly offered.
I remained silent, still shaking my head.
"I can't. My mom has already made arrangements. I have to go... on a blind date."
This wasn't a lie. Although back then my mother was extremely sensitive to any signs of romance from me, now she was incredibly worried.
"I go on blind dates every weekend."
"Blind dates, huh..." he said softly.
"What kind of person are you looking for?"
He asked again.
Someone like you.
I really wanted to say that jokingly, but after thinking it over, I still couldn't say it.
Before Lin Sansan called, my desire to confess suddenly surged intensely, but after hearing her voice, that thought sank again.
Reason ultimately triumphed over everything.
"Someone with a good life is fine," I mused. "I don't have any special requirements."
When we arrived at the entrance of his residential complex, I stopped the car, preparing to say goodbye to him.
"I want to add your WeChat, but I can't add you from the group chat," he suddenly said.
"After I went to America, I sent you a postcard, did you get it?" he asked again.
I stared at him, stunned, and shook my head.
I had never received any postcard.
He smiled, said nothing more, just scanned my WeChat and got out of the car.
"Thanks for today. Drive safe on your way home," he leaned in, shaking his phone. "Remember to let me know when you get home."
When I got home, I sat blankly in the living room for a while, then called my mother.
My mother must have been asleep already, as she asked groggily, "What is it?"
She thought for a long time. "Oh, right," she said. "I think it was during the first semester of your senior year, a postcard came for you. It was sent from America. I remember the sender's name was that boy, Lu... what was it again?"
"Where is that postcard, Mom?"
"Oh, well, you were about to have your first mock exam then, and I was afraid it would affect your studies, so I threw it away."
"Mom!" I exclaimed, my voice unconsciously laced with worry. "So what did it say?"
My mother yawned. "I forgot," she said. "I think it was written in English. I couldn't read it either, so I just threw it away..."