I’ve been Imperial Noble Consort for three years, and Li Zongke’s ‘white moonlight’ has returned to the palace.
Her name is Song Mingyan, and she is just like it: bright, charming, serene, and unconstrained—beautiful and fresh, free-spirited and approachable.
Ever since she entered the palace, Li Zongke stopped coming to see me.
Everyone was saying that I was about to lose favor.
Lian Zhi helped me deal with some gossiping palace maids in the imperial harem. The next day, Song Mingyan immediately came to confront me.
It turned out that those maids who had been slandering me everywhere were her personal attendants.
Her face bore an eighty percent resemblance to mine. The moment she saw me, she smiled.
“So you’re the Imperial Noble Consort Li Zongke holds in the palm of his hand? I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, but he kept avoiding it, not letting me.”
She spoke as if I were some pet, a smug smile playing at the corners of her lips.
“I was originally very distressed, but I never expected Imperial Noble Consort to be my stand-in. Now I can rest easy.”
I suddenly remembered the first night he summoned me.
Li Zongke kissed my lips, gentle as a calm stream.
He leaned close to my ear, whispering softly: “Yan…”
I thought he wanted to smoke. I blushed and got up from the bed, bringing the pipe and tinder closer to his lips.
He said nothing, only smiled, took a light puff, then pulled me into his arms.
“My little fool, why are you so adorable?”
Under the candlelight, his gaze swept over my face, as if he was looking at me, yet not quite.
Yan… Song Mingyan.
So that was it.
“You look really ugly when you glare at people, don’t do that anymore. Li Zongke won’t like it.”
Song Mingyan lectured me with a condescending air, as if my current status was entirely thanks to her aura.
I utterly detested her.
Perhaps she didn’t know yet that anyone I hated wouldn’t have an easy life.
I set down the teacup in my hand and glared.
Lian Zhi understood implicitly, kicked Song Mingyan’s leg, and forced her to kneel before me.
Li Zongke spoiled Song Mingyan rotten, so perhaps she thought no one would dare touch her.
“You hurt me! If Li Zongke finds out…”
Before she could finish, Lian Zhi immediately slapped her.
“Her Ladyship hasn’t even spoken to you yet, who are you to speak so presumptuously?”
I leaned back in my chair, watching Song Mingyan’s face swell on one side, and the suffocating feeling in my chest suddenly eased.
My temperament had been fierce and stubborn since childhood; even princesses had to yield to me significantly.
My father was the Marquis of Zhenguo, and my elder brother was the General of Agile Cavalry.
Half of this Great Qi empire was built upon the foundations laid by my ancestors.
I was the least promising child in my family, because I was merely an Imperial Noble Consort, not the Empress.
When Li Zongke arrived, I was embroidering a sachet, all ten of my fingertips pricked with needle holes.
I pouted, acting spoiled with him, then offered him the sachet—something I considered precious.
Li Zongke didn’t even spare it a glance, casually tossing it aside.
He looked down at me, and several eunuchs immediately forced Lian Zhi to her knees at his feet.
He stepped on her hand, grinding down with force, making her gasp in pain.
“A mere servant dares to lay hands on Mingyan!”
So Li Zongke hadn’t come to visit me; he had come to vent his anger on behalf of Song Mingyan.
The person he punished was Lian Zhi, but it was also a blow to my prestige.
Half my heart turned cold. I said with a cold face: “Take your foot off Lian Zhi’s hand!”
Lý Tông Khác rubbed my furrowed brows. His gesture was clearly as gentle as water, yet his expression was full of distant indifference.
“Noble Consort, Minh Yên has no family, no power, and no status, but I am her support. You cannot bully her.”
“In my youth, I let her slip away. I thought I had lost her, but now I have her back. I will absolutely not let her suffer any grievances.”
“I want to give Minh Yên all the best things.”
“If you are not convinced and wish to challenge my bottom line, then go ahead and try.”
He completely ignored whether Tống Minh Yên was the one who provoked me first or not.
All he cared about was not letting her shed a single tear.
Before Lý Tông Khác left, he looked at the embroidered pouch thrown on the table, then at my ten fingertips, full of wounds.
He scoffed at me: “If your hands are clumsy, then don’t embroider anymore.”
He had said before that other men’s embroidered pouches were all personally made by their wives, and he wanted the same.
Since childhood, I had grown up on horseback; my only talent was drawing a bow to shoot eagles. Forcing me to do things like embroidery was like asking for my life.
But Lý Tông Khác nagged for a long time, repeating himself until I gritted my teeth and agreed.
Now that the embroidered pouch was only half-finished, he told me not to embroider anymore.
I saw a new embroidered pouch hanging from his waist, exactly like Tống Minh Yên’s.
I understood then: he only wanted *his* woman to personally embroider for him.
He didn’t want my things anymore.
It felt as if something was sucked out of my heart, following Lý Tông Khác’s increasingly distant back.
The hem of his robe was swept up by the wind, disappearing right outside the door.
I rubbed my eyes, and tears fell onto the back of my hand.
I picked up the embroidered pouch from the table and stabbed the needle into the mandarin duck’s bottom to vent my anger.
Liên Chi advised me: “Please, Your Ladyship, don’t do it anymore. Staying up late harms your health; you might get a headache tomorrow.”
I suppressed the choked feeling and, with an unchanged expression, went to instruct her: “Go put some medicine on your hands, and in the future, speak fewer unnecessary words.”
I, Chu Mị, have never been one to give up halfway.
I will embroider the pouch. If Lý Tông Khác doesn’t need it, many others will.
4.
Lý Tông Khác was true to his word; he gave Tống Minh Yên all the best things.
There was only one strip of shimmering silk in the world; he had once promised to find it for me, but in the end, he let Tống Minh Yên wear it.
The seven-colored pearls of the South Sea, which he said he wanted to find a hundred of for me to make into jewelry, in the end became hairpins in Tống Minh Yên’s hair.
Everything I had, Tống Minh Yên also had.
Everything I lacked, Tống Minh Yên also had.
Knowing I was suffering grievances, Father and Elder Brother sent many treasures from the Northern Great Wall to me.
I wrapped a tiger skin around myself, my left hand holding an all-purpose crossbow, and my right hand a golden quiver.
Liên Chi said I looked like a wealthy savage from the wild, dangerous lands.
The two of us burst out laughing.
I laughed so hard I swayed back and forth, laughing until tears streamed down.
“No wonder Mother said Father was a boor; he’s utterly mad, and my Elder Brother is also mad, sending all these ridiculous things.”
I was on the bed, burying my head in the blanket, wiping all the tears from my eyes into it, soaking the cotton stuffing.
Liên Chi’s laughter suddenly faded. After a long while, she asked me: “If Your Ladyship misses home, how about inviting your mother to the palace for a visit?”
Seeing I didn't speak, she opened her mouth, looking pleased: "Oh, so there's fox fur here! It's so soft and thick, Your Ladyship, it would make such a beautiful fox fur coat!"
I clenched my palm, swallowing all the bitterness back down.
I turned my head and smiled at her: "Go tell them to embroider lambs onto my cloak, and calves too, oh, and a patch of grassland as well..."
I really missed the scenery outside.
I didn't want to wait here anymore.
5.
Before autumn arrived, my fox fur cloak was finished.
Lian Zhi held it, chattering all the way, talking about the adorable lambs and the vibrant green grassland.
Finally, she praised me: "Your Ladyship has excellent taste."
As I walked onto the jade arch bridge, how unlucky, I bumped into Li Zongke.
Seeing me, he was slightly stunned.
"Why are you so thin?"
He took two steps forward, reaching for my sleeve. I leaned away, dodging him, and gave him a perfunctory bow.
Li Zongke suppressed his annoyance, helped me up, and gripped my hand tightly, refusing to let go no matter what.
My temper was unusual; if I got angry and wasn't appeased, I wouldn't calm down even half an hour later.
In the past, whenever I was upset, Li Zongke would always embrace me possessively, then kiss me, and chatter on endlessly. Even if I hit and scolded him, he would just keep snuggling closer.
Actually, I always liked that side of him, but now I found that behavior incredibly childish and a bit annoying.
Perhaps Li Zongke noticed my impatience; he gently released my hand. Then, he looked at his empty palm with a hurt expression.
Song Mingyan arrived, chasing after a kite. She called out his name directly, both hurried and petulant:
"Li Zongke! I told you to look for me, what kind of searching is this, running all the way here!"
Perhaps he saw me, which is why he stopped looking for Song Mingyan?
But I didn't think that was possible. I gave a self-deprecating laugh.
My smile displeased Song Mingyan.
Perhaps she thought I was provoking her. Her eyes widened, and her gaze immediately fell on the fox fur cloak in Lian Zhi's hands.
"What beautiful fur!"
She grabbed the fox tail, then leaned into Li Zongke's arms, and said with great interest: "I want it!"
Li Zongke stroked her face and said with a smile: "Alright, it's all yours."
She had stolen many things from me.
But those things all belonged to Li Zongke; he gave them to whoever he loved. I didn't need them.
However, this fox fur was hunted by my father for me. No one should even think of taking it!
Disregarding all etiquette, I lunged forward and snatched the cloak back. Song Mingyan held on tightly, refusing to let go.
After a tug-of-war, during the struggle, her hand hit my forehead.
I suddenly felt dizzy and my head throbbed; my ears were ringing.
I gritted my teeth and pushed the screaming Song Mingyan into the water.
6.
Song Mingyan wasn't hurt; she only caught a cold from the chilly water.
Li Zongke wanted me to give her the cloak as an apology.
"Mingyan says she doesn't blame you."
"She doesn't ask for much; she just likes this fox fur cloak."
"Zhu Miyu, you shouldn't bully Mingyan. After all, without her, there would be no you."
He said that without Song Mingyan, there would be no me...
It was as if I had been slapped awake, an unprecedented humiliation surging within me.
"Song Mingyan likes it? What if I don't want to give it to her?"
“In his eyes, I am her stand-in. When she’s not here, he treats me very well; but when she returns, he wants to offer her all the best things.”
“But don’t forget, the fox fur is mine, my father gave it to me! It’s not yours, what right do you have to lecture me?”
I cast aside all dignity, crying and hitting Li Zongke, then pushing him out the door.
“Go! Just go! Don’t come here again, I don’t want to see you anymore!”
Li Zongke pulled me into a tight embrace, trapping me in his arms.
Annoyed, he asked me sternly: “Doesn’t your hand hurt? What’s all this fuss about! It’s just fox fur…”
The problem was never the fox fur!
Li Zongke! It’s not just a piece of fox fur!
It’s also the last shred of my dignity, it’s the love and dignity you’ll never give me again.
And now, even that has been torn by Song Mingyan.
Suddenly, the entire space around me blurred, reality and illusion indistinguishable, I couldn’t tell what was real anymore.
Li Zongke held my limp body in his arms, I heard his extremely panicked cries: “Chu Meiyu! Meiyu, wake up, wake up…”
It sounded as if he still loved me.
7.
When I woke up, Li Zongke was gone.
He hadn't taken my cloak, perhaps because it was torn, no longer beautiful enough to please Song Mingyan’s eye.
Imperial Physician Sun knelt before me, his face grave. After a long silence, he spoke in a low voice:
“Your Highness’s illness has worsened slightly compared to last year, this old servant fears… this old servant is helpless…”
I clenched my fists, my mind buzzing. It took a moment for me to clear my head.
I asked Imperial Physician Sun to rise, feigning perfect calm: “How much longer? How much longer do I have to live?”
He bowed his head, regret flickering in his eyes.
“At most, a year and a half; at least… three or four months.”
Ah… So I’m going to die soon.
Everyone dies eventually, I know that.
But to die so young, I still have so many things left undone.
My grasslands, my cattle, I won’t have the chance to see them again…
Father always said to take life and death lightly.
In the end, I’m still a coward; I’m ashamed of his teachings.
When I heard how much time I had left, I could only tremble with fear.
I burrowed under the covers, carefully hiding my weakness. I didn’t want to become a pitiful person.
“Uncle Sun, Meiyu begs you for one thing.”
“Don’t tell anyone I’m dying, alright?”
“You know, so many people are waiting to see me become a laughingstock…”
My voice choked, and then I said no more.