After twenty years of doing good deeds and accumulating merit, I transmigrated into a super-hot porn novel. I'm truly grateful, really.
But luckily, I have mind-reading abilities, so I've been maximizing my social EQ.
On the second day after transmigrating, I successfully went from being a chamber pot-cleaning maid in the back courtyard to the maid who draws baths for the female lead.
My salary is three times higher than before.
The bad news is, I haven't had a good night's sleep since.
Every night, the male and female leads call for water three times.
With panda eyes, I've accepted my fate of frantically boiling bathwater in the backyard.
Other people transmigrate as the female lead, or even if they're useless, they at least get to be a villainous supporting character. So why, when it's my turn, do I become a mere tool, contributing a brick to the male and female leads' nightlife?
Transmigration System, please listen to me! I'm also a normal adult!
What's the point of making me watch 18+ live broadcasts all day long?
Perhaps heaven heard my inner thoughts, because after a month, I was stopped by the male lead's second brother in the back garden.
He lifted my chin with a folding fan, scrutinizing me from left to right.
“Tsk, you have some looks. Come to my room tonight to serve me.”
Everyone in the manor knew that this Second Young Master was a philandering playboy, always lingering in the 'flower bushes'.
He had at least twenty concubines and maids in his courtyard.
Men without self-respect are like rotten cabbage.
He lewdly told me to follow him if I wanted to live a life of luxury.
His words were just noise.
I bowed my head and conveniently leaned close to his ear, whispering, “Second Young Master, you have a piece of vegetable on your tooth.”
He awkwardly clamped his mouth shut.
He glared at me with an angry expression.
I turned and walked two steps away, when I heard his inner thoughts from behind me.
【This 'playing hard to get' tactic isn't bad.】
【If Jing'er could also flirt with me like this, this young master would gladly die for it!】
Su Jing was the female lead's name.
This guy actually fantasized about getting involved with his younger brother's wife. Truly… too shameless.
As a loyal and devoted maid, I planned to tell the female lead about the Second Young Master's improper thoughts.
Before I could open my mouth, Su Jing waved her hand at me.
“Tao'er, tomorrow, go to Second Brother's courtyard to serve him.”
She glanced at me with a complicated look.
【Hopefully, by having this maid, he'll give up the idea of getting involved with me.】
I'm done for!
Female lead, you have no heart!
2
Of course I didn't want to go. Who knows if that 'Second Dog' has any venereal diseases?
But I was just a maid, completely at their mercy, with no right to speak.
That evening, the manor held a lively banquet for new guests.
The male lead drank some wine and returned to his room early to find the female lead.
The familiar sounds, when heard, were like background music to me.
Am I really going to have to become a character in this pornographic plot?
I bowed my head in sorrow, when a large hand suddenly pulled me under the eaves.
“Tao'er, you crave me to death, didn't you miss this young master today?”
I was shocked.
Why was it this 'Second Dog' again?
I pushed away the mouth lunging towards my face, yelling, “Second Young Master, this is our madam's courtyard!”
“I know.” He chuckled, “Doesn't that make it even more exciting?”
Motherf***er.
I've met perverts before, but I've never seen one this perverted.
In the midst of my struggle, he shoved a pill into my mouth.
In a porn novel, what else could this be?
I used all my strength to push him away and ran for my life.
A mere aphrodisiac, how could it possibly faze me? At most, I’d just dunk my head into the lotus pond; the books all said that doing so could lessen the drug’s effects.
I made a mistake.
Last year, the female lead accidentally fell into the lotus pond. The male lead got angry and ordered someone to drain the pond.
My whole body was burning hot. As I fell into the shallow pond, I cursed.
Are the male and female leads specifically out to get me?
An itch crawled from my internal organs to my skin. Ignoring everything, I instinctively untied my clothes.
A gust of cold wind blew, clearing my head for a moment.
Nhị Cẩu Tử’s voice behind me grew closer and closer.
Footsteps approached my ear.
I looked up. A man in white robes stood five steps away from me. He frowned, his cold expression glancing at me.
A jade tablet hung from his waist, moonlight illuminating the character: “Chu”.
A flash of insight struck me, and I realized the man before me was Chu Huaichen.
The all-powerful Prime Minister, he was also the only normal person in this shameless, bottomless novel.
Because he… couldn’t get it up.
I felt as if I’d found a savior, and I clutched tightly onto Chu Huaichen’s robes.
“Your Excellency, save me!”
Nhị Cẩu Tử quickly caught up.
“Your Excellency Chu.” He grudgingly bowed, then shot me a fierce glare. “This lowly servant in my household is disobedient; I apologize for making you laugh.”
Chu Huaichen’s gaze rested on me; he lowered his eyes and said nothing.
I heard his clear, cold inner voice mixed with a sigh.
【Tsk, how pitiful.】
He truly was the good person from the book.
Hope flared in my eyes: “Your Excellency Chu, save me.”
Nhị Cẩu Tử angrily tried to pull me away, but his arm was forcefully pressed down.
Chu Huaichen chuckled softly, his eyes dark as thick ink, silently gazing at me.
“Do you truly want me to save you?”
I nodded like a chicken pecking at grain.
He smiled again.
“Second Young Master, are you willing to part with something you cherish?”
I was led into the carriage with Chu Huaichen.
In the cramped space, the cold scent of wood from his body seeped into me.
The medicine began to take effect, and I tremblingly reached out to him.
“Your Excellency Chu, I want…”
His expression was indifferent as he stopped my hand: “I know you’re in a hurry, wait a moment.”
My face flushed crimson, and I bit my lip tightly.
Finally, the carriage swayed to a halt, and the servant lifted the curtain: “Your Excellency, we have arrived.”
“Mm.” Chu Huaichen gestured with his chin at me. “Go on, I’ll wait for you here.”
I looked up at the signboard above the door.
Seriously, this really is a pornographic *shuangwen*. Did he just directly bring me to a duck shop?
How spirited…
Chu Huaichen looked puzzled. “Why aren’t you going?”
I licked my lips.
“I don’t have any money.”
His expression froze slightly, then he untied the money pouch from his waist and handed it to me.
I hesitated.
“Could you give me a little more?”
“I’m too deeply poisoned, one… I’m afraid it won’t be enough.”
With a dreamy expression, I stepped into the shop.
The madam’s enthusiastic welcome made one feel as if bathed in a spring breeze.
Having transmigrated into this book for so long, this was the first time I felt warmth.
“May I ask which young master the lady would like to serve her?”
I waved my hand and tossed her a few gold leaves.
“First, send in seven or eight men. I want to sample the fresh delicacies.”
Perhaps she had never seen such a generous customer; the madam happily had maids attend to my bath, declaring that she would certainly ensure my satisfaction later.
After bathing, I looked at the eight handsome men lined up in the room.
Each was exceptionally handsome, with their own unique charm.
But strangely, no ripples stirred within my heart.
That intense surge of passion was doused as if by a bucket of cold water.
But money had already been spent, so it couldn't go to waste.
I gently caressed the face of the young man closest to me; his skin was soft and smooth, fair and delicate like a piece of tofu.
His eyes, clear as a fawn's, pleaded, "Please have favor on me, young lady."
I sneezed repeatedly.
I pulled on the young man's sleeve to wipe my nose. "Why is it suddenly so cold?"
A faint blush rose on his face, and he gently and tenderly leaned his head against my chest.
"I'll help warm your body, young lady."
You've misunderstood.
I'm not trying to be seductive with you; I'm genuinely cold.
Seeing me burrow directly under the covers, he looked bewildered, but then also pressed closer.
"I didn't realize the young lady was so eager."
Exasperated, I swatted his hand.
"Excuse me, could you bring that blanket from the bed over here too?"
I wrapped myself tightly in two blankets, leaving no gaps.
Eight handsome young men surrounded me, asking with concern.
The young man named A Chiêu said I must have been hit by a strong aphrodisiac.
"This potent drug is very toxic. If not relieved in time, your entire body will become cold, and you'll never be able to get it up for the rest of your life..."
Not giving up, I groped the handsome young man again.
My heart remained calm as still water.
Is this plot really logical?
I'm just a young girl, and you're making it so *I* can't get it up?
Under the sympathetic gazes of the handsome men, my tears fell like rain.
Half an hour later, two young men carried me downstairs, with six more handsome youths following behind.
The madam was startled. "Young lady, what are you trying to do?"
I reached a hand out from under the blankets and tossed her a gold ingot.
"Can I get them to go?"