My husband is a soldier wholeheartedly devoted to his country, ready to use his sincere heart to save the nation in times of peril.
Thanks to him, I was able to escape the cage of the old feudal system and begin a new life, completely different from before.
In this life, to have met Khanh khanh is already an immense blessing; I ask for nothing more. Khanh khanh, please remember this: in this life, Xi Yan loves only Jiang Jin, and that will not change, even unto death.
1.
In the 22nd year of the Republic of China, I married Gu Xi Yan. It was a match of equal social standing, by parental decree, arranged by a matchmaker, and we had never met. It was, in essence, a forced marriage.
I sat in the bridal chamber, a vivid red blur before my eyes. I felt a little nervous. Before the wedding, my mother had told me many things about him.
She said he was a student of the new education system; that at fifteen, he had gone to France to study abroad by himself; that he was clearly a contemporary scholar, yet he had cast aside his pen to join the army; that he was a young general, but his appearance was refined and scholarly, without a trace of a military commander's intimidating aura.
Why would such a man marry a girl from an old-system family like mine? Would he be dissatisfied with this marriage? Would he not, like others of the new system, despise me for coming from a feudal household? Would he not, like new-thinking scholars, attack my family, calling us feudal remnants, old-fashioned and backward?
Last year, Qing Yun married the second son of the Lu family, also a family of the new system. I heard that man revered free love and free marriage. He had always ignored Qing Yun, treating her as merely a wife in name.
When I heard that, I was also a little frightened. Qing Yun comforted me, saying, "The eldest son of the Gu family is humble and polite in his dealings with others; he surely won't treat you badly."
I didn't answer, only feeling sorrow. If, as husband and wife, one could only hope not to be slighted for an entire lifetime, then how much torment would those long decades bring to both of them?
I was lost in thought when I suddenly heard the sound of a door opening, followed by the maidservant loudly announcing, "Young Master!" I immediately straightened my posture, my hands clasped together.
I only heard a few footsteps, then the bridal veil on my head was lifted. The movement was a little too swift, so much so that even as I saw his face, I was still stunned.
Perhaps my stunned expression was too foolish, for he chuckled, "My lady and I have never met before, so it's only natural to look a little longer."
I felt my face gradually flush, guessing my ears were as red as tomatoes. "I... I'm not..."
"If we haven't met before, then we should introduce ourselves first." As he said this, his face was full of amusement, completely unlike the way I had imagined he would treat me.
I didn't know how I should reply. I was afraid he wouldn't like it if I was too formal, but I truly didn't know how to respond.
Actually, I had met him before. Our marriage had originally been arranged last year. After my mother told me about the marriage, I wanted to go and meet him, to see if he was truly as my mother described.
Looking back now, I was momentarily stubborn then. What if, after meeting him, I wasn't satisfied? From ancient times until now, I have never had the right to choose.
I rarely went out and didn't have many personal connections, so there was no way I could have met him. But as luck would have it, not long after, I heard news that he was leading troops from Wuzhou to Qingqu. This was a big event; the common folk would line both sides of the road to see them off, so my presence there wouldn't be surprising.
So that day, I was already waiting at the end of the road at dawn. The sun rose, its rays intense, and he appeared at the end of the road, riding a tall horse, dressed in military uniform. His demeanor was dignified, and his gaze swept over the crowd, calm and gentle. As the people saw them off, he dismounted, nodding in greeting to each person.
A truly refined gentleman, he perfectly embodied the saying, "His appearance was gentle, like a jade tree standing in the wind." I watched him gradually disappear into the distance, murmuring his name: Gu Xiyan.
From that day on, I, who rarely inquired about news from the front lines, began to pay attention to people's chatter and started reading newspapers. I wanted to understand him better, and also wanted to know if he was safe.
When Qingyun came to find me, she looked at me and teased, "I can't believe a single roadside encounter has made Miss Jiang fall in love at first sight."
My face flushed, and I stubbornly denied it, "Born in a chaotic era, with turbulent times, it's not a bad thing to be a little informed. General Gu serves the country and its people; I merely admire him."
Qingyun continued to tease, "Merely admire him? I'm afraid someone is secretly worried whether he's safe, whether he's eating well and sleeping soundly."
I blushed and didn't reply. Of course I was worried if he was safe; after all, he had to return safely to marry me.
2.
Three months later, he returned to Wuzhou. Another month passed, and he married me. Now he stood before me, smiling as he said, "For our first meeting, let's introduce ourselves."
He saw that I wasn't speaking, only staring at him, but he wasn't angry. He reached out as if to pat my head, but helplessly, with my phoenix crown and shoulder wraps, my head was completely covered in ornaments; he couldn't find an empty spot to place his hand.
He awkwardly withdrew his hand, made a fist, and placed it by his mouth as he lightly coughed, "You're wearing so many things on your head, isn't it heavy?"
I nodded. It was truly very heavy. Wearing it for so long, my neck felt like it was about to break. He smiled, gently helping me remove the hairpin from my head.
"Before our wedding, have you heard anything about me?" he asked with a calm, indifferent air.
I nodded. He seemed very interested. "Oh, what did they say about me?"
I looked into his eyes. His eyes were truly beautiful, shining brightly. I said seriously, word for word, "His appearance was gentle, like a jade tree standing in the wind."
His smile deepened. "Anything else?"
"A young general, yet his appearance is refined, without a trace of a martial general's killing intent."
"Now that you've seen the real me, do you feel it matches the rumors?" He stopped removing the hairpin and looked at me seriously.
Facing his gaze, I unconsciously felt a little nervous. My hands clasped tightly together, sweat breaking out. "I... I feel, a gentleman is like bamboo." After saying that, I immediately lowered my head, not daring to look him directly in the eye.
A gentleman is like bamboo: the wind blows but it does not fall, the rain falls but it remains unstained. Its body has joints yet is graceful, tall and strong, unyielding. Its leaves are like sharp swords, yet not overtly displayed; even when drooping, it shows no sense of inferiority. Winds may swirl and blow from all directions, it endures a thousand blows and impacts, remaining firm and strong. Even with ten thousand sorrows from ancient times to the present, it bears them all on one shoulder.
This is him in my heart: dismounting on the road, humble yet polite; wearing his military uniform, victorious wherever he fights, utterly fearless. He treats me with thoughtful respect, and his gentleness is abundant.
I bowed my head, not daring to look. He remained silent for a long time. After a while, I heard laughter coming from above my head: “I hear the Jiang family of Wuzhou has been a prestigious scholarly lineage for a hundred years, known for its proud and unyielding spirit. To be praised in such a way by Madam, this Gu is quite surprised.”
I quietly raised my head. His smile had not yet faded, and I found myself unconsciously smiling along. He said, “Madam looks very beautiful when she smiles. You should smile more often.”
After removing the last hairpin, he held it in his hand, examining it: “Is this a Twin Lotus?” I nodded. Two flowers blooming on a single stem, symbolizing a deep, intertwined affection.
He sat beside me, silent for a long time. My heart felt a little anxious. I had completely forgotten everything my mother had taught me from the book of instructions last night. What should I do next?
“Actually, I didn’t want to get married.”
As I was secretly agonizing, I unexpectedly heard his sigh. My chest suddenly felt a tight, uncomfortable squeeze. I turned to stare at him. Did he, after all, still despise old regime lineages like ours?
My eyes must have looked very panicked, so much so that he looked at me with a little surprise, then smiled and said: “I shouldn’t get married. It’s not that I shouldn’t marry Madam, but rather, I shouldn’t marry any girl at all.”
“Why not?” I couldn’t help but ask directly. His answer made me very happy; as long as he didn’t regret marrying me, that was enough.
“Never mind that. Madam, just remember that I, Gu Xiyan, married you wholeheartedly and willingly. I myself nodded and went to present the betrothal gifts, so your heart needn't be confused or afraid. Madam, also remember well: you are Gu Xiyan’s only wife, and there’s no need to be overly constrained all the time. We are husband and wife; we should naturally be frank and trust each other.”
He was very serious when he said these words. He saw the fear in my heart. Since the Xinhai Revolution (1911), society had undergone great changes. Many daughters from old regime families I knew had married new-era students, but most of these marriages were in name only. And there were some whose husbands left after the wedding night and hadn't returned for years.
I was truly afraid that Gu Xiyan would be like them, treating me the same way—seeing me but acting as if he didn’t, turning a blind eye. He saw my unease and fear, and firmly told me I was his only wife, with no need to be constrained by anyone. And marrying me was his wholehearted willingness. That wholehearted willingness was enough; I asked for nothing more.
3.
After we were married, Gu Xiyan and I lived together very harmoniously. He was a very good husband, always eating meals with me. If there was an urgent matter in the army that required him to stay behind, he would always send someone back to inform me.
When he was working outside, if he went anywhere and saw strange trinkets, he would always wrap one up and bring it back for me.
After he learned my favorite tastes, besides those toys, there would always be a portion of pastries. Whatever new patterns the department store released, I was always the first to get my hands on them.
The old nanny, who had followed him for many years, would always smile and say whenever she saw me, "I've never seen the Young Master care so much about anyone."
I smiled along, and the old nanny added, "When Madam first married into the family, she didn't like to smile as much as she does now." I belatedly touched my face; it seemed she was right.
"A man who loves his wife as much as our Young Master is truly rare. Madam is truly blessed. The Young Master worried you wouldn't be comfortable at the old family residence, so last year, after presenting the betrothal gifts, he established a separate household. For Madam to be as comfortable and free as you are now, that was precisely the Young Master's intention."
Indeed, we had moved into our own residence, far from my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, and unconsciously, it was much more comfortable. Gu Xiyan was truly thoughtful. I picked up a pastry, took a small bite, and then made a decision.
I wanted to change. He wore Western suits and leather shoes; I couldn't just wear Manchu cheongsams every day. I invited Qingyun to my home; she had changed her makeup style a long time ago and looked very beautiful.
Qingyun helped me cut my hair and styled it into the most fashionable wavy perm of the time. I changed into a modernized cheongsam, the one I had admired when I last strolled through the department store. I didn't know what I was thinking then, only wondering what it would be like if I wore it one day. This time, it truly came in handy.
We spent the entire afternoon on it. I looked at myself in the mirror, with light powder, bright red lipstick, and delicately arched brows. I was completely different from my former self, like two different people. I wondered what Gu Xiyan's expression would be when he saw me.
After thinking this, I became anxious. I kept asking the butler, "When will Sir return?" The butler, having been asked so many times, thought I had something important and difficult to say, so he secretly called Gu Xiyan behind my back.
That's why I saw Gu Xiyan before dinner. I even thought I missed him so much that I was hallucinating. I looked at him and mumbled, "Am I hallucinating? Why is Gu Xiyan back?"
Gu Xiyan's expression was a little dumbfounded, not like his usual self. It wasn't until he heard me call his name that he snapped back to reality. He smiled and said, "Xiao Jiner, from now on, you must call your husband's name more often."
I blushed, "You... why would you..." Xiao Jiner was the name my parents used to call me at home before I was married. No one else besides my parents called me that name.
"Before, when I took you home to visit your parents, I heard your mother call you Xiao Jiner. I also wanted to address my wife that way. It sounded very pleasant, and I've always wanted to try calling you that."
"Why are you home so early today?" I hugged his arm and pulled him towards the dining table.
"I heard Butler Chen say you kept asking when I would be back. I was afraid something urgent had happened, so I quickly dealt with everything at hand and rushed back. Now it seems it truly was an urgent matter. My beautiful and graceful wife, having you is my blessing."
Only then did I remember what I had been wondering about, but his bluntness made me a little shy. Seeing the smile in his eyes, I boldly asked, "Husband, do you think it's beautiful?"
He pulled me in front of him, and I twirled around. He looked at me very seriously and replied, "Very beautiful."
I burst out laughing and pressed, "Then, Husband, do you like it?"
He also smiled, "Very much."
Then he went to the phonograph and examined it. I looked at him curiously; I had been married here for almost a year but had never seen him use it.
Before long, music slowly began to play. I grew even more curious; it was Western music. Father had once said it was all show and no substance.
He walked towards me and held out his hand. I gave him my hand, and he grasped it tightly, pulling me into his arms. My face flushed. He whispered in my ear, "Shall I teach you to dance?"
Many years later, even though his face had grown a little blurry in my memory, this day remained etched deep in my heart.
That day, I wore a modernized qipao, my hair styled in soft waves. He, in his military uniform, held me close, and we embraced, dancing the Waltz.
The evening sunset dyed half the sky red. Orange rays of sunlight streamed through the windowpanes, falling onto the living room floor, reflecting our embracing figures on the white wall—a love unchanging even unto death.