My house was next to Thẩm Nhất Cố’s.
When I was little, from the first time our two families met, Thẩm Nhất Cố clung to me and wouldn’t let go.
He said, “Tư Phất is the most beautiful girl under heaven.”
Thẩm’s mother smiled gently and asked him, “Since you like Tư Phất so much, then when you grow up, will you marry Tư Phất and take her as your wife?”
Thẩm Nhất Cố blushed, stammered, and nodded, replying, “Of course!”
My face also turned crimson, too shy to look at him, but I silently took his words as a promise.
Later, Thẩm Nhất Cố grew up, handsome and radiant, exceptionally talented. Even when standing in a crowd, he was a refined young master who astonished and impressed everyone.
I also loved and cherished him very much, so before the New Year celebration, when Thẩm’s mother came to my house to propose, I was extremely happy.
It was just that day, Thẩm Nhất Cố’s expression was indifferent; he didn’t seem truly happy.
I had long been accustomed to this; for the past few years, he no longer clung to me like when he was little.
I just thought he had matured, and his personality had become more steady and refined. Emotions weren’t suitable to be shown outwardly, but in his heart, I was surely still there.
Otherwise, why would he follow Thẩm’s mother to my house to propose?
On the Lantern Festival, just like in previous years, I went to see the lantern festival with Thẩm Nhất Cố.
The neighbors all recognized us and knew we were childhood sweethearts. Now that we were about to tie the knot, everyone congratulated us as soon as they saw us, and incidentally asked about the wedding date.
I hopefully stole a glance at Thẩm Nhất Cố, but he only smiled indifferently and replied, “There’s no hurry.”
Before, he used to think about marrying me every day, but now he said there was no hurry.
My heart was filled with a sense of loss, but I could only hide it.
The lantern festival was bustling and extremely lively; I was extremely excited, while Thẩm Nhất Cố showed no sign of enjoyment at all.
Until we went to see the poetry gathering inside Hồ Gia tavern, Thẩm Nhất Cố saw a girl.
She wore a vibrant red outfit, beautiful and graceful like a flame. Standing on the high platform, she spontaneously composed poetry, leaving a group of great scholars speechless and unable to respond.
Thẩm Nhất Cố eagerly stepped onto the high platform to challenge her in poetry.
In the capital, he was renowned for his outstanding literary talent; even children in distant border regions knew and memorized his poems.
Therefore, when he presented his own poem, I thought he wouldn’t lose.
Until she recited the lines: “The waters of the Yellow River descend from heaven / Rushing to the sea, never to return,” “Sparse shadows slant across the clear, shallow water / Faint fragrance floats in the twilight moon,” “Fragrant flowers fill the hall, intoxicating countless guests / A single sharp sword eliminates fourteen prefectures,”…
Sitting below the platform, I pondered each word, and I must say, I was filled with profound admiration.
I had never seen anyone who, in the short time it takes to drink a cup of tea, could compose so many exceptional, wonderful poems that left such an endless resonance.
What's more, this was an unknown girl.
Although Shen Yigu's poetry was already good enough, he was still convinced by her, bowed to her, and descended the stage, satisfied.
I had originally thought that Shen Yigu went up to the high stage to win the most beautiful lantern for me.
So when he came down, I gently comforted him, "It's alright, I've already bought the lantern I like best."
Shen Yigu seemed not to hear me, only looked at the girl in astonishment and exclaimed, "Truly Jingshan Pianyu, her beauty and talent inspire awe and admiration. How did I not know such a girl existed in this world before?"
I was stunned for a moment.
But I quickly returned to normal.
She was indeed exceptionally talented; even I felt overwhelmed, let alone Shen Yigu, who was competing directly with her.
The shop owner handed her the lantern, and the surrounding crowd dispersed with murmurs of admiration.
Shen Yigu and I were about to leave when she called us back.
"Hey! Your poetry is excellent. This lantern is for you."
With that, she tossed the lantern over.
Shen Yigu caught it with one hand, smiled at her, and asked, "May I know your name, young lady?"
"Remember it! My name is Lu Jingyue."
Lu Jingyue smiled brightly and walked away with a carefree air, like dazzling sunlight.
I clearly saw a new light in Shen Yigu's eyes.
I was a little scared.
In all these years, he had never looked at me like that.
On the way home, he excitedly recounted Lu Jingyue's poems to me, praising them repeatedly.
I knew he greatly appreciated people with profound knowledge, but unfortunately, I didn't focus on this area.
My father spent his life studying history, and influenced by him, I was extremely fond of collecting folk tales.
When I was studying, others were busy pondering which words in their poems weren't good enough, while I was thinking about how I absolutely had to write down the interesting Western stories told by the sailors at the dock tomorrow.
I knew Lu Jingyue's poetry was good, but I couldn't analyze the subtlety in every line and word like Shen Yigu could.
When Shen Yigu discussed poetry with me, apart from agreeing with him and praising it, I didn't know what else to say.
A moment later, he lost interest and sighed, "Never mind, what would you know?"
He turned and walked ahead of me, looking quite gloomy.
My heart ached as if pricked by a needle.
After getting out of the carriage, he carefully held the lantern as if it were a treasure.
I asked him, "Yigu, could you give me this lantern?"
He frowned and replied, "Don't you already have one?"
In that moment, I suddenly realized many things were leaving me.
Be it the lantern or Shen Yigu.
Back home, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep all night; every time I remembered the way Shen Yigu looked at Lu Jingyue, my heart ached.
But I was afraid that I was just being overly suspicious and overthinking, misunderstanding him, so I had to swallow all my grievances and feelings.
I only wished that Lu Jingyue would disappear into the vast crowd and never appear again, so that my life with Shen Yigu could continue as before.
The next day, I carried a batch of grilled rice cakes my mother had made and went to find Shen Yigu.
He and I had an appointment for the sixteenth of this month to go to Mount Cangwu together and admire the snow-capped mountains amidst a sea of clouds.
The door of the Shen residence opened, and the gatekeeper told me that Shen Yigu had already gone out early that morning.
I quickly asked, "Where did he go?"
Every year, he and I would go to Mount Cangwu; he had never forgotten. Why would he forget this year?
The old man scratched his head, thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't know, but when he left, he seemed very rushed. He was also carrying the lantern he brought back yesterday. It looked like he was going to find someone."
From these words, I understood everything.
I turned around and walked away, my whole body turning cold. I felt like a soulless corpse wandering aimlessly, and the rice cakes in my bag gradually froze in the biting cold.
He went to find Lu Jingyue; he forgot our appointment.
The cold wind whistled, making me shiver. Looking towards Mount Cangwu, hidden in the vast mist outside the city, I angrily walked in that direction.
If he wasn’t coming, then so be it; I would go by myself.
Carrying the small bag of rice cakes on my back, I climbed the mountain alone, despite the cold wind.
After stumbling and falling countless times, I finally, in a daze, reached the mountaintop.
Mount Cangwu was thickly covered in snow, and below the cliff was a surging sea of clouds, like a celestial paradise.
Before I could even marvel in awe, I suddenly heard Lu Jingyue’s voice.
"It truly is as beautiful as a fairyland; you really didn't lie to me!"
I stared blankly. She was smiling, looking at the handsome young master in crimson standing beside her. Who else could it be but Shen Yigu?
They were chatting happily, but my heart ached.
My feet felt as heavy as lead. I dragged myself closer to him, and swallowing my humiliation and resentment, I called out, "Shen Yigu?"
The tall, dignified young master was startled. He hesitated before turning his head.
The moment he saw me, he looked bewildered and surprised, but there wasn’t a trace of guilt or heartache in his expression.
"Sifu, why are you here?"
I held back my tears and smiled as I asked him, "Didn't we agree to come together? Why didn't you call for me?"
He looked blank, his expression a little unnatural.
"I forgot."
Forgot? Did he truly not remember, or did he simply think it wasn't important?
Lu Jingyue looked at me and suddenly asked, "Who is she?"
I was about to say I was Shen Yigu’s fiancée, but before I could open my mouth, Shen Yigu cut me off.
"She's just the daughter of my neighbor. We used to play together a lot when we were kids."
He might as well have said, "She's just a neighbor, don't think too much of it." My pure love was now crushed into pieces by him.
I let out a mocking laugh and asked him, "I'm a neighbor, so who is she? Your lover?"
Shen Yigu’s expression darkened. "We are literary friends, our relationship is pure. Huo Sifu! Don't speak such unpleasant words."
Unpleasant words? What did I say to make him so upset!?
Lu Jingyue’s face was full of displeasure. She shot me a direct glance. "Where did this jealous woman come from? How unlucky. I'm leaving first."
The wind picked up on Mount Cangwu, and mist surged in. Everything on Mount Cangwu began to blur.
"Huo Sifu, you’ve gone too far."
Shen Yigu looked at me, then hurriedly chased after Lu Jingyue.
I numbly watched them disappear into the distance, limping down the mountain with my body covered in mud and wounds.
My scraped knees were soaked with blood, the fresh crimson staining my white skirt.
It doesn't hurt. It truly doesn't hurt at all.