Bùi Sơ Hoàn didn't marry me willingly.
Due to family pressure, he found it inconvenient to refuse, which is why he spent a long time with me. Our marriage plan was, in reality, just a cooperative arrangement, mutually beneficial. Only I harbored one-sided, secret feelings for him. That day, he told me: "We shouldn't tie ourselves down to each other. I don't want to be in an awkward position later." I didn't want to be in an awkward position either, so I agreed to draw up a prenuptial agreement. But when the car accident happened, I instinctively lunged towards him. Shards of broken window glass flew into my eyes. From then on, I lived in boundless darkness.
Today marked the second week since I went blind. I had cried my fill, raged my fill, and now I was numb. At first, Bùi Sơ Hoàn would hold me when I broke down, for a very, very long time. "Bạch Lạc Tinh, everything will be alright." "I'll find you the best doctor..." Later, when it was just the two of us in the hospital room, he stood beside me and asked, bewildered, "Why did you save me?" Not only had I gone blind, but while protecting him, my entire body had also sustained very serious injuries. Although I couldn't see his expression, I knew he felt very awkward. He felt awkward because he felt indebted to me. I didn't know how long he stood there, only that it was long enough for my hands, clutching my knees, to start going numb. He slowly said: "Bạch Lạc Tinh, let's get married."
I lifted my head, gazing into the endless darkness, and curled my lips: "Bùi Sơ Hoàn, you don't want to marry me." Having not spoken for a long time, my voice had become hoarse and unpleasant to hear. He took two steps forward and sat down on the edge of the bed. A few seconds later, he took my hand. "Don't overthink it." I pulled my hand back. "Bùi Sơ Hoàn, you must be blaming me in your heart, aren't you?" Blaming me for sacrificing my eyes to tie him down. He answered me with a very long silence. I wanted to send him away, to tell him I didn't need his pity. He, however, said: "I saw the wedding dress you posted on your social media. I've bought it for you." "Once you're discharged, I'll take you to try on the dress, alright?" In that moment, something in my mind collapsed with a rumble. The image of that wedding dress appeared before my eyes, so sacred, so beautiful. Countless times I had dreamed of wearing it, of marrying Bùi Sơ Hoàn.
Until Bùi Sơ Hoàn brought the wedding dress before me, taking my hand and placing it on the fabric. The dress was voluminous and soft, like a cloud. I couldn't care about anything else anymore. The wedding happened very quickly, which was to be expected. Some mocked that the young master of the Bùi family was a philanderer. The daughter of the Bạch family was blind, yet he moved the wedding date forward. Others said he couldn't *not* marry her; after all, it was a favor. I tried to pretend I didn't care, but the hand hidden in my dress had been trembling for a long time. Bùi Sơ Hoàn stood behind me, putting on my veil and describing my outfit and hairstyle for the day so I could visualize it. I couldn't see anything, but I could hear that he was distracted. I asked him: "Do you regret it?" His hands paused for a moment, and he merely said, offhandedly: "We're about to enter the aisle." He helped me up the steps, walking very slowly, matching my pace. Although I couldn't see, I could feel the flower petals floating in the air, and I could imagine Bùi Sơ Hoàn in his suit, incredibly handsome. In that moment, I could even overlook the fact that he didn't love me, just to feel happiness. If this was a dream, please let it pass slowly, just a little bit slower.
I thought that after marrying him, I would ask if he remembered us knowing each other a long, long time ago.
And tell him that I had actually liked him for many years already…
5.
Just as he was about to put the ring on my finger, Bùi Sơ Hoàn suddenly froze.
Immediately after, not far away, the sound of a girl crying rang out.
“Sơ Hoàn…”
I unconsciously gripped his hand, feeling uneasy inside.
A loud noise erupted, causing everyone to murmur and talk amongst themselves.
I heard that the girl had fainted and rolled down the steps we had just ascended.
Bùi Sơ Hoàn flung my hand away. He ran over very quickly, his footsteps proving how anxious he was.
I helplessly reached out my hand, unable to touch anything, and unable to see anything.
A chill, bit by bit, filled my heart.
When he carried her away, he didn't even bother to say a word of apology to me.
It turned out that his heart had belonged to someone else for a long time.
He loved her so much that he disregarded the judgment of others.
He loved her so much that he could unhesitatingly abandon me – a blind bride.
6.
Due to the shock, I had to be hospitalized.
My parents, heartbroken, said they would never force me to marry again.
But then again, hadn't I brought this upon myself?
It was my own delusion.
That evening, the phone rang; I knew it was Bùi Sơ Hoàn calling. His number had a special ringtone.
But it was a woman who called.
She said, “Sister Lạc Tinh, I’m Thẩm Doanh Doanh.”
“In high school, we went to the same school and were good friends. Do you still remember me?”
“It’s a pity we lost touch after graduation.”
For a long time, I couldn't utter a word.
This phone number belonged to Bùi Sơ Hoàn, but the person holding the phone was Thẩm Doanh Doanh. She was the one Bùi Sơ Hoàn had carried away at the wedding.
Not hearing me speak, the voice on the other end sounded cautious.
“Sister Lạc Tinh, I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have disturbed your wedding, but I couldn’t control myself, I couldn’t give Brother Sơ Hoàn up to you. Clearly, we were the ones who…”
I no longer heard clearly what came next, only feeling a sharp pain in my heart.
I curled myself into a ball.
In high school, Thẩm Doanh Doanh was one year my junior; she was a very enthusiastic person. Before, everyone found me quite distant, only she was willing to befriend me. Therefore, she knew all my secrets and even the person I secretly liked.
But I couldn't have imagined that she and Bùi Sơ Hoàn would…
And now, she wanted to say that even if I married Bùi Sơ Hoàn, I would only be the third party!
It turned out that long, long ago, when I liked Bùi Sơ Hoàn, he had already liked Thẩm Doanh Doanh…
7.
Many days passed, and after the storm gradually subsided, Bùi Sơ Hoàn came to find me.
In the main hall, no one wanted me to see him.
My father slapped him across the face.
“You still have the nerve to come looking for my daughter?! So many people pursued Tinh Tinh, but she only liked you, she was already blind, and you still broke off the engagement in front of so many people!”
Bùi Sơ Hoàn’s father smiled placatingly, declaring he would discipline his son and absolutely would not cancel the engagement.
“Tinh Tinh has suffered enough injustice. This boy Sơ Hoàn should be taught a lesson, and he must apologize to you. Besides Tinh Tinh, we will not let anyone else step through the doors of the Bùi family!”
From beginning to end, Bùi Sơ Hoàn didn't say a single word.
Until I opened the door and walked in, the atmosphere suddenly became silent.
Bùi Sơ Hoàn softly called my name.
I pushed everyone aside, walking step by step towards him. He reached out his hand to support me, but I felt as if I'd been electrocuted and flung his hand away.
I will never forget how he threw the ring, how he carried another girl away from the wedding.
I thought he had come to apologize to me, but after a long silence, he merely said calmly, “Bạch Lạc Tinh, I will marry you.”
This statement was hard to bear; my last shred of self-respect finally crumbled.
“Bùi Sơ Hoàn, have you ever felt guilty towards me?”
“Or have you, all along, felt that I was making things difficult for you?”
Marrying him, his coming to my door to apologize – none of it stemmed from his feelings of remorse.
And now, he even dares to say he wants to marry me…
Making me feel like the most pathetic person in the world!
“Bạch Lạc Tinh, we are making things difficult for each other.”
He said, “You lost your sight because of me, and I lost the freedom to love someone because of you.”
Upon hearing this, the secret love I had harbored for him all this time completely vanished.
So much for this ‘freedom to love someone’…
I laughed, covering my face, as tears streamed through my fingers.
“Bùi Sơ Hoàn, I will not marry you.”
“I wish you… freedom.”